Widows and Orphans

I'm finally blogging and it's not even my words.  Please allow me to copy a blog from a dear friend, Becky, who is the coordinator for the Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project that is bringing children to the Tulsa area next month.   Sorry I couldn't get the precious photos and links to copy from here.  Please check out www.RussianOrphanLighthouseProject.blogspot.com for more information.  More from me in Russia to follow.  Julie

Widows and Orphans

Having coordinated ten Lighthouse Project trips, I’ve heard every excuse in the book for not hosting. Some reasons are legitimate, some less so. A caller once claimed they couldn’t host because the trip was coming up too soon. Next time they had a few months’ notice, but they couldn’t plan that far ahead. I tire of the charade; sometimes I wish people would just say they’re not interested.

Copious notes taken during the course of myriad phone conversations show I can expect to speak with ten callers to come up with one host family. While I try not to judge callers’ decisions, it appears many people choose not to host when they reasonably could. Others can reasonably host, and do. But my favorite callers have good reasons not to host, and choose to anyway. They understand they can make a difference in the life of a child, and whatever legitimate excuse they might have voiced is silenced by this more substantial realization.

Justine called me for the first time one morning when I was in Missouri with the Lighthouse Project. Running late for Vacation Bible School, I begged out, asking if I could call her later in the day when I had time to do the conversation justice. She agreed, but I fretted all day that her first impression of my availability might discourage her from hosting. Back in my hotel room that evening, we spoke. As she shared her story, I was relieved to find it would take more than a conversation deferred to discourage her.

Justine had always wanted to adopt. She and her husband discussed it, opting to pursue it later after they’d had biological children. Son Alden followed. Two and a half years later she was eight months along in a pregnancy when her husband fell ill; one day later, he died of complications related to diabetes. Justine was left to deliver daughter Lilly alone.

She grieved, but found the hardest part was the demise of her dream of a large family. Over time, she began researching adoption online. Hong Kong stood out based on cost and openness to single mothers, but almost all available children had moderate to severe special needs. Justine decided to wait, believing Hong Kong was not in her future. She bought a house, her parents bought next door, and she began home schooling. Life was good again; she was content and hoping for no changes.

But two years ago, she began a word study of every use of “widow” in the Bible. As the months passed, she handwrote most Biblical references to the subject. God’s concern for widows clarified, she discovered that in almost every passage, orphans, too, received specific mention as recipients of God’s special compassion. Within a year, God rekindled her desire to adopt; Hong Kong was her clear directive. As she shared her plan with her children, family, and friends, she found unanimous support.

Beginning her home study, she hoped to adopt a child between the ages of Alden, now 9, and Lilly, now 6. Her agency balked at her plan to adopt out of birth order, preferring that she make her new child the youngest. Justine was open to physical needs like blindness or cerebral palsy; Down syndrome was on the list of special needs she did not expect to consider. But scanning a list of Hong Kong’s waiting children, an eight-year-old boy with Down syndrome tugged at her heart. Already traveling a circuitous path, both Justine and her agency altered course. The agency allowed her to sandwich a child between her two biological children, and Justine realized the little boy she’d seen with Down syndrome was her son. Wondering why such a precious soul waited alone over eight years, she concluded he was “just reserved for our family.”



In November 2008, Justine heard about the Lighthouse Project trip through a friend’s blog. She hoped to host next time in Tulsa, but we were already in town for the January 2009 trip before she was aware of it. When she got word that we’d be returning to Tulsa a third time, her initial reaction was dismay since she obviously couldn’t host in the middle of her adoption. She might need for her own adoption the $1000 it cost to host a child. Worse, if she hosted, she’d fall in love, want to adopt, and be unable due to Hong Kong law prohibiting concurrent adoptions through other sources. God reminded her she had $1076 in a memorial fund in her husband’s name, and brought conviction that her reason not to host was flimsy. Would she let a child stay in a dismal orphanage with a hopeless future because she might be hurt if she opened her heart? She had the money, and she had the time. The only issue was fear of emotional injury. All the while, God was asking, “How selfish can you be?”

Not very, as it turns out. Justine did call as I flew out the Missouri door toward VBS, and she was still polite when I finally called her back over twelve hours later. When she told me about her special needs adoption, needing to fund her own process, single parenthood, and busyness home schooling, I knew her excuse for not hosting would be more watertight than most. Remarkably, after listening to all the obstacles and mentally rehearsing my speech for when she would end, “God bless you, but I can’t host,” those words never came. Instead, she matter-of-factly told me her husband’s memorial fund had waited for just such a time, she planned to host, and to send her the details. Justine had enough potential excuses to fuel several of my callers who decline to open their homes; she didn’t use even one, choosing to give a little of herself to give a second child a chance at a future. “I’m just going to follow God’s leading,” she declared.

As I struggle to find hosts for kids for whom precious little hope exists outside traveling on such a trip, Justine sends out e-mails to her friends, asking them to consider hosting a child alongside her. She lamented tonight that she hadn’t yet found anyone. Meanwhile, her “yes” is far more moral support for this discouraged coordinator than all the “God bless you”s with which I’ve ever been rejected while promoting the Lighthouse Project.

Oh, that enough families would follow God’s leading so that none of our sixteen Lighthouse Project kids have to stay behind in Russia, staring down hopelessness! God can bless, and I trust He will, but it happens through people who, like Justine, put others before themselves to be part of that blessing.


James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

URGENT NEED

Why the urgency? The kids leave on Sunday. If someone has a tiny bit of interest and can meet the child while he is here they will save an entire trip to Russia. Once the kids leave on Sunday that opportunity is lost. This is an intense week of trying to find homes for these precious children and we're nearing the end. Please spread the word any way you can so that Sunday morning we know there is at least someone interested in each child. Here is the link to four of the children that would love to meet you onon Saturday. Without any interest, it is likely they will age out of the system very soon and be left with grim chances.
http://russianorphanlighthouseproject.blogspot.com/2009/01/still-waiting.html

So helpful!

Anton is always looking for ways to help around the house. Today he was carrying groceries and even looked for places to put them away when we got home. He loves to cook, also. Last night he was very specific with how to cook the Pelmini. Tonight he is excited to be peeling the potatoes and has asked several times if we are going to mash them. He must really like mashed potatoes. Wish I could show you his cute way of making a mixer sound over the pan of potatoes.

Krispy Kreme & Fish

Today started with an early morning at the dentist. Thank you to Dr. Mongrain and Mary for a great visit. We appreciate their generosity with lighthouse project. Then we joined the group for a Russian version of The Lion King at Circle Cinema. Now Nathan and Timothy realize what it is like for Anton to watch an English movie with them. They at least knew the story line of this one.

This afternoon Anton was quiet and a little mopey. It was a great day for a taste of home. We went to the EuroMart at 71st & Memorial. It was just what he needed. He picked a few of his favorites and a few things he wanted us to try and picked up a treat for the fund raiser on Saturday. Then Anton hosted a feast for us with Mackeral, pelmini, Norwegian cheese, cok, hot strawberry tea, and a type of sunflower seeds. It was quite delicious. He enjoyed the cooking and you could definitely tell it was not his first time in the kitchen. We also got some sardines for tomorrow. He was delighted and I was glad to see the spark back in his eye.

Then driving home we saw the red light. The Krispy Kreme Donuts were HOT!! We stopped and he was enthralled with the machine that makes the donuts. We probably spent half an hour watching the machine, even when it ran out of donuts. He was very intrigued with how it works. He liked the donuts, but I think he liked watching them made even more.

He ended the day playing wii with the Thomason's while we went to a meeting. Thank you very much for your ministry to Anton while we were gone. He had alot of fun and loved seeing the mustang.

A Thousand Words

We are having a blast with Anton. He is always smiling and cutting up. He keeps us laughing. Those big eyes and dimples make the best puppy dog face ever. He is adorable, charismatic and charming. Today we had free lunch donated by Chik-Fil-A. (Thank you very much for your support!) Anton was given a balloon. Next thing I knew he had come back with a balloon for each of us and knew exactly which color each of us needed. He is always opening the doors for me and checking to see if I need anything. He is very sweet.

He also loves to play and play hard he does. He really wanted a picture of himself today at the Putt and Jump (Thank you for the disount!) He wanted a picture of himself doing a flip. I tried hard and have about 30 pictures of our trials. I told him he was fast and I was slow.

All are in bed because we have a very early day tomorrow. Please pray that Anton finds a family by Saturday. I'm going to leave you with some pictures. Julie

Can you say mischevious?

Anton was convinced he did not need a bath tonight. Since he played soccer this afternoon and we have an early morning tomorrow, there was no choice about when he had to take his bath. Now. We had been rough housing and cutting up so he thought I was teasing about his needing a bath. He even tried to convince me that he would wash his hair, but not his body. Finally he got a stern "Anton" and the motherly look from me as I pointed to the bath tub. He understood and was very quick to get to the bathtub. And of course when he smiled that big dimpled smile I quickly forgot the brief moment of frustration.

Anton had been somewhat withdrawn today. Maybe he was tired. Maybe a little homesick. Maybe he has indigestion. Hard to tell. But tonight we found another outlet for his creativity and he was wound up and ready to go again. He even got a little mischevious. Ken and Kristi tried to find the Russian word for mischevious or ornery so we could ask him if that describes him. We couldn't find the word. Anyone know?

Highlights of the day: We worshipped together. Anton even sang some of the songs. David & Rhonda Graham brought their family over for lunch. My brother and his family came over for dinner and a wii showdown.

What a blessed day!

What a blessed day with our new Russian friend, Anton! He slept great after getting to bed late and this morning joined us about 10:45a. As I started breakfast he came to the kitchen to help with the eggs. He pointed to them and gave me the thumbs up sign. That is a great way to communicate. Thumbs up is good. Thumbs down is bad. It was helpful that he was comfortable enough to let me know what he liked. And, boy did he like them. He gave us a thumbs down for bananas but he has eaten three of them since then. Perhaps he knows you eat things that are good for you even if they are not your favorite.

While I finished cooking, Anton got an apple and was cutting it with a bread knife. I gave him a sharper, safer knife and went back to cooking. Timothy came to tell me that Anton was carving his apple. I thought that was a strange way for Timothy to describe cutting up an apple. But, then I realized he really meant that Anton was carving the apple. Anton carved a beautiful swan from the apple. Not your everyday skill around here for a 13 year old. Obviously he has talent. He's also been drawing with his new art supplies that my neices brought to the airport last night. Great gift, girls. Thank you.

At the airport Anton received a beautiful picture from our young friend Leisel and an elaborate sign written in Russian from her brother Jude. It was obvious they had put alot of work into these projects. Thank you, Leisel & Jude. Anton was somewhat overwhelmed last night with gifts, pictures, signs, etc. But today he enjoyed the picture and read the sign at length. He then proceeded to tell me all about the sign...... in Russian. There are some times when we just all stare at each other trying to digest what we just heard. Nothing digested this time. But it did lead me to learn Becky DeNooy's favorite phrase.

'I don't understand'= 'ya ni po nyeh my you'

Gestures become an integral part of communication between people that don't speak the same language. It's amazing to me how much humor can come through even when you shouldn't know what the other person is saying. We had one of those moments today when eating cherry tomatoes. Anton showed us the little tomato and said, 'angleski' which means American. Then he cupped his hands together to show a larger tomato size and said, 'ruski'. We all laughed. He had told us that American tomatoes are tiny and Russian tomatoes are large. Needless to say we had another laugh at the grocery store when we showed him all the sizes of 'American' tomatoes. We also had fun at the story going from one item to the next in the produce section, getting thumbs up or thumbs down. Anton can make some pitiful faces, especially when David is trying to convince him that grapefruit tastes great.

We spent a great afternoon with most of the Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project group at the Oral Roberts University Women's basketball game. At half time, the kids were center court waving to the cameras. They all had fun getting together. Two of them even tried to catch chickens in the pot. We enjoyed seeing all of the kids interacting with each other. You can really see their personalities shine through when there isn't the language gap. Thanks coach for a great afternoon.

I had left a roast cooking in the crockpot so the entire house smelled delicious when we returned home today. There is really no way to adequately describe Anton's reaction. I truly wish I had a video of him. He went to the crockpot, drew in a long breath with his eyes closed and he gently waved his hand in front of his nose as if he could wave in more of the aroma. Because I enjoyed his show so much, he kept repeating it until the roast was completely gone. He really is an adorable child.

One last moment to share. The clothes we had gathered for Anton are all too big. He is much much smaller than we anticipated. So today we went shopping and needed to get pajamas. Everything we found that fit him were much too childish for a 13 year old. So we found some small men's lounge pants with a drawstring. Needless to say, they needed 6 inches removed from the bottom. After dinner, Anton and I were sitting next to each other on the couch while he played video games with the guys and I hemmed his new pajama pants. When I finished, Anton leaned over and quietly said, 'thank you.' I looked up to see his big dimpled grin and shining eyes. It was obvious he meant it.

Sleep, Bananas, Duh, Hi

It's a slow morning at our house. Nathan and Timothy are finally up after a very late night, but Anton is still very asleep. Poor thing traveled 36 hours to step off the plane to a huge crowd that was very excited for the arrival. I can't imagine traveling across the world to stay alone with a family that speaks very little of my own language, eats different foods... I pray he will know from our smiles that he is loved, that we want to care for him and help him in any way we can while he is here.

Anyway, for those wanting to learn some Russian, I thought we would start with some very easy words.
yes= duh; banana= ba-nahn; hi=pree-vyet Simple enough? More words to come.

Glad to know some of the students from our communications class are following the blog. Have fun with your assignment.

Anton has arrived!

He's here. The plane was delayed with the weather in Chicago so we just arrived home at midnight. It was great to see so many people at the airport! Wow! Thanks for all the support of the kids. Anton has a smile that lights up his whole face. He is adorable. He knows how to say 'thank you' and 'My name is Anton.' in English. It was cute watching our young friend who wasn't too sure he wanted to say 'minya zavoot Jude' and then Anton broke in in English to tell him his name. We look forward to everyone getting to know him this week. Goodnight. Julie

Missing D

It doesn't seem to matter what I do, something will remind me of D. I miss him terribly. His trip to our home with the Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project was only 8 days, yet it seems as though he has always been part of our lives. We had alot of fun cooking together so every time I'm in the kitchen I wish he was there cooking with us. He loved being in the kitchen, exploring the refrigerator and mixing. He's also a great potato peeler. He loved playing Wii games with Timothy and my neices. So we all missed him extra yesterday while we were playing together. Every time we eat ice cream we're reminded how much he loves ice cream. D also loved to try new things. Often, Timothy will say, "I wonder how D would like doing this?" There are even some things that we start to do, then we say, "No, let's wait until D and V are here to do this with us."

I've never been one to wish away days because I believe every day is important. But, I must say I really long for the day that D and V are home, the day when we are all together.

I wonder how they spent Christmas. How are they doing in school? Is their English progressing faster than our Russian? Are they enjoying the snow? Are they warm at night? Did V enjoy the blanket present D picked out for him while he was here? What will we cook together for our first meal as a family?

Soon we will be done wondering. They will be home.

Six Weeks Ago Life Changed

Six weeks ago today life suddenly changed. On that day we agreed to host a child on the first Russian Orphan Lighthouse project in Tulsa. Nine days later D arrived in Tulsa with five other children. Never did we realize how attached we could quickly become to a child from around the world. It was an incredible 10 days that led to our pursuing adoption of D and V.
We have never blogged or shared our lives in any way online so sharing this way is a little bit of a challenge. We're overwhelmed in many ways at the support, questions, and interest that this venture has generated. Many have suggested this as the best way to let all of you know what is happening so here we go with our family blog. Thank you to everyone for the support. We really appreciate all the thoughts, prayers, and interest.