Seven Weeks and the Racoons

Not a magical number, but it was a good day so I thought I would blog. We've been home from Russia for seven weeks tonight. In some ways it seems like forever and in other ways it seems like it's barely been a week. Most days are very difficult. There are seven people living in this house and each of us has had to make huge adjustments. Why haven't I blogged? Well I guess mostly because I got stuck in the negative and didn't figure anyone would be interested in hearing about the temper tantrums, selfish outbursts, and fist fights happening in our home. Why blog today? Because the last couple of days have made me think there is hope in this process. Now please don't get me wrong there have been great moments all along the way, but I find myself longing for good days of togetherness.

So David began his workout this morning at 4:30 and heard a loud bang outside. He went out to find a huge raccoon had turned over the trashcan. We had seen their prints on the trash can every morning and knew they were invading but this was the first time they had been spotted.

School lessons went great. Our 9-year old discovered that he is progressing faster on his Rosetta English than his older brother. That gave him a great burst of excitement.

We made a cake from the Amish Friendship Bread starter that our new friend Sara shared with us last week. It was liked by all, which doesn't happen very often. Now the kids are each tending to their own batch so we will have lots to give away in 10 days.

The kids look forward to their PE class on Fridays. They are learning to play tennis right now. The three youngest boys also had guitar class today. And friends came over to 'hang out' this afternoon. It was a great Friday.

Then came dinner. Bar B Que chicken is liked by all so there were no objections to dinner. Baked beans for half the family, sauteed mushrooms for the other half. Mom is in both halves. ha ha Peaches and cucumbers for everyone.

One of the most unusual things to get used to in our house is that there are always two conversations going on -- one in loud Russian because that is still the only volume they know, and one in louder English because they want to hear each other. And occasionally the two conversations intersect like tonight when Dad was retellling the racoon story and it ended at the computer looking up racoon pictures and everyone laughing at the thought of dad chasing the racoon. Wonder if we will all be up in the morning trying to catch a glimpse of our newest critter.

The Attitude

About 6 years ago I began praying a particular scripture. I even called it my life scripture because it impacted me so much. It became a constant reminder of who I am in Christ, who God is, and what my role with God is to be. As I prayed this scripture almost constantly I began to change. (I wish I was like several of my dear friends who can look up in their journals and tell their exact thoughts and what God did at any moment in their life. That is not me. I have to rely on 'abouts' and generalities.) Many times this scripture has come up in personal Bible study, at retreats, and in sermons. So often it has been what God used to 'carry' me through hard periods, to push me through selfish times and to draw me closer to Him and His desires.

This morning I was again reminded of Philippians 2:5-8. "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. " (NASB, bolding is mine)

My prayer once again: Lord, Jesus Christ, I desire to have your attitude. Empty me. Humble me. Make me obedient to the desires of God. I lay aside my perceived privileges to have your attitude, the attitude of Christ. Amen.

Interesting Fact

Brownies made with powdered sugar in place of flour are still edible. I think it is time to label those new canisters and teach our children the difference between flour and sugar.

Just a piece of paper

It's an important piece of paper. It will get our new kids on the family insurance. It will get them social security numbers and passports. This important piece of paper makes David & me responsible for them. But the adoption decree is just a piece of paper. It does not make us a family. Our new daughter announced two days before leaving her country of birth that she would not leave. She changed her mind. She did not want to have brothers that teased her, constantly talked about cars, and made disgusting body noises. Brothers were disrupting her life and she was done. Several of our friends, who are now young women, have assured me that they now realize that growing up in a house full of boys was vital in who they have become as women. It challenged them and they grew from it. When our communication is better I will tell our daughter of how important my brother is in my life. I will tell her that, with David and the kids by my side, when we arrived home at the airport it was seeing my brother that meant the most. It was his welcoming arms that I clung to. Yes we spent many days as kids fighting with each other, being annoyed with each other and we don't agree on many things now. But, he is my brother and I cherish him. Some day our daughter too will cherish that special relationship with her new brothers. Some day that piece of paper will be a treasure to her in many ways.

Home Sweet Home

Those special words have never meant so much to me. It is wonderful to be home. Thank you to every person that has been unpacking boxes, decorating in incredible ways, and getting our new home ready for a grand homecoming. The new children have been exploring every nook and cranny, so excited with their new home. We all love their new rooms. The painters and decorators made them so personal and beautiful. Thank you for accomplishing so much.

Last nights homecoming at the airport was overwhelming. We were shocked, wowed, and awed at the wonderful support. As one friend put it, now phase 2 begins. We are so thankful for the many friends, co-workers, and fellow lighthouse families that are surrounding us for this next part. Somehow it makes walking into the unknown a little less intimidating.

So for everyone that isn't calling or dropping by today because you think we are asleep, think again. Everyone was up and going strong by 7:00 am. What does a family of 7 eat for their first breakfast in America? 1 large canteloupe, a small box of cereal, 15 eggs, 1/2 gallon of milk, 1/2 gallon of orange juice, and 1/2 a large pizza.

This is a test.

The last three blogs that I posted disappeared when I hit publish so this is a test. I'm not pouring out my heart any more to watch the words go away in a flash.

Word of the Day-- Close

Samuel and Jesse just learned a new word in English.  Close.  As in mom's basketball shots get close to the basket.  All 250 shots.  Unfortunately, I had to correct them on the one that nearly went over the fence after missing the backboard.  It was nyet close.  They both just came to tell me that "Dinner is ready."  They are loving asking Luda how to say things in English.  So I better run again.  More later.

Together Again!

Samuel, Jesse, and I are together again.  My host family and I drove almost 2 hours to the orphanage today because we were told that we could bring them back with us.  When we got there they said no.  My heart sank.  We waited for a while and played with some of the children that are still in the orphanage and the message changed.  We could bring them home.  My host believes that our wonderful adoption coordinator made a call.  She is often involved in miracles.  So we are all together.  Brittany should join us on Tuesday or Wednesday before we return to Moscow.  The boys are happy.  We're playing Uno and dominoes so I won't write for long. Bye.

Thoughts from Russia

My apoligies for not blogging.  I would love to be sharing many stories of being with our new children, but there are none to share.  The children had to return to the orphanage last Friday.  At that point it was thought that I would be able to see them frequently.  I'm definitely learning not to make any plans.  Plans change often.  Plans change quickly.  The children have been gone for a week and today is the first day that has seemed discouraging.  Perhaps it is because we may get to see the boys tomorrow and I'm afraid to be hopeful.  Perhaps it's because I was so excited to get to help our host deliver a birthday gift and candies to a waiting child and we just learned that the orphanage will not allow our visit today.  During the summer months, the orphanages 'close' or have minimal children living in them.  The children go to live with families while the orphanage undergoes repairs and cleanup.  Visits with the children can be complicated during the summer months.  

On Wednesday I had opportunity to tag along with Jackie Payton to pick up their new son, Jacob.   It was so exciting.  First, the director of this orphanage is precious.  He has such a love for the children.  We found this when he supervised the trip that brought our B to America to be hosted in Michigan.  I may feel a little attached to him because he was there in our borrowed home when we asked B if she would like to join our family.  It was great to visit with him again.  

This is the first adoption from his orphanage.   Can you imagine?  It was such an honor to be there as Jacob shared loving hello hugs with his new pappa and intense goodbye hugs with the man who had cared for him for the past 7 years.   I'm at a complete loss for words to share.  (Maybe if I could quit crying it would be easier ;-))  As Jacob stood on the steps of the orphanage prepared to leave,  it occured to me that there were no children there to tell him goodbye.  They were all in homes for the repairs of the orphanage.  Jacob would not see those he had grown up with, perhaps ever again.  There were no goodbyes.  No 'see you laters'.   Just Jacob standing alone on the steps.  

What if he was the last child to leave the orphanage rather than the first?  Will there be a day when there are no more children living without families? What if there are no children to fill the empty halls because each child has been united with a forever family to love him, care for him, help him through the hurts and celebrate the joys in life.  What if?

By the way, Jacob didn't stand alone on the steps long before his new pappa had him in another bear hug and they were wrestling their way to the car.

Widows and Orphans

I'm finally blogging and it's not even my words.  Please allow me to copy a blog from a dear friend, Becky, who is the coordinator for the Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project that is bringing children to the Tulsa area next month.   Sorry I couldn't get the precious photos and links to copy from here.  Please check out www.RussianOrphanLighthouseProject.blogspot.com for more information.  More from me in Russia to follow.  Julie

Widows and Orphans

Having coordinated ten Lighthouse Project trips, I’ve heard every excuse in the book for not hosting. Some reasons are legitimate, some less so. A caller once claimed they couldn’t host because the trip was coming up too soon. Next time they had a few months’ notice, but they couldn’t plan that far ahead. I tire of the charade; sometimes I wish people would just say they’re not interested.

Copious notes taken during the course of myriad phone conversations show I can expect to speak with ten callers to come up with one host family. While I try not to judge callers’ decisions, it appears many people choose not to host when they reasonably could. Others can reasonably host, and do. But my favorite callers have good reasons not to host, and choose to anyway. They understand they can make a difference in the life of a child, and whatever legitimate excuse they might have voiced is silenced by this more substantial realization.

Justine called me for the first time one morning when I was in Missouri with the Lighthouse Project. Running late for Vacation Bible School, I begged out, asking if I could call her later in the day when I had time to do the conversation justice. She agreed, but I fretted all day that her first impression of my availability might discourage her from hosting. Back in my hotel room that evening, we spoke. As she shared her story, I was relieved to find it would take more than a conversation deferred to discourage her.

Justine had always wanted to adopt. She and her husband discussed it, opting to pursue it later after they’d had biological children. Son Alden followed. Two and a half years later she was eight months along in a pregnancy when her husband fell ill; one day later, he died of complications related to diabetes. Justine was left to deliver daughter Lilly alone.

She grieved, but found the hardest part was the demise of her dream of a large family. Over time, she began researching adoption online. Hong Kong stood out based on cost and openness to single mothers, but almost all available children had moderate to severe special needs. Justine decided to wait, believing Hong Kong was not in her future. She bought a house, her parents bought next door, and she began home schooling. Life was good again; she was content and hoping for no changes.

But two years ago, she began a word study of every use of “widow” in the Bible. As the months passed, she handwrote most Biblical references to the subject. God’s concern for widows clarified, she discovered that in almost every passage, orphans, too, received specific mention as recipients of God’s special compassion. Within a year, God rekindled her desire to adopt; Hong Kong was her clear directive. As she shared her plan with her children, family, and friends, she found unanimous support.

Beginning her home study, she hoped to adopt a child between the ages of Alden, now 9, and Lilly, now 6. Her agency balked at her plan to adopt out of birth order, preferring that she make her new child the youngest. Justine was open to physical needs like blindness or cerebral palsy; Down syndrome was on the list of special needs she did not expect to consider. But scanning a list of Hong Kong’s waiting children, an eight-year-old boy with Down syndrome tugged at her heart. Already traveling a circuitous path, both Justine and her agency altered course. The agency allowed her to sandwich a child between her two biological children, and Justine realized the little boy she’d seen with Down syndrome was her son. Wondering why such a precious soul waited alone over eight years, she concluded he was “just reserved for our family.”



In November 2008, Justine heard about the Lighthouse Project trip through a friend’s blog. She hoped to host next time in Tulsa, but we were already in town for the January 2009 trip before she was aware of it. When she got word that we’d be returning to Tulsa a third time, her initial reaction was dismay since she obviously couldn’t host in the middle of her adoption. She might need for her own adoption the $1000 it cost to host a child. Worse, if she hosted, she’d fall in love, want to adopt, and be unable due to Hong Kong law prohibiting concurrent adoptions through other sources. God reminded her she had $1076 in a memorial fund in her husband’s name, and brought conviction that her reason not to host was flimsy. Would she let a child stay in a dismal orphanage with a hopeless future because she might be hurt if she opened her heart? She had the money, and she had the time. The only issue was fear of emotional injury. All the while, God was asking, “How selfish can you be?”

Not very, as it turns out. Justine did call as I flew out the Missouri door toward VBS, and she was still polite when I finally called her back over twelve hours later. When she told me about her special needs adoption, needing to fund her own process, single parenthood, and busyness home schooling, I knew her excuse for not hosting would be more watertight than most. Remarkably, after listening to all the obstacles and mentally rehearsing my speech for when she would end, “God bless you, but I can’t host,” those words never came. Instead, she matter-of-factly told me her husband’s memorial fund had waited for just such a time, she planned to host, and to send her the details. Justine had enough potential excuses to fuel several of my callers who decline to open their homes; she didn’t use even one, choosing to give a little of herself to give a second child a chance at a future. “I’m just going to follow God’s leading,” she declared.

As I struggle to find hosts for kids for whom precious little hope exists outside traveling on such a trip, Justine sends out e-mails to her friends, asking them to consider hosting a child alongside her. She lamented tonight that she hadn’t yet found anyone. Meanwhile, her “yes” is far more moral support for this discouraged coordinator than all the “God bless you”s with which I’ve ever been rejected while promoting the Lighthouse Project.

Oh, that enough families would follow God’s leading so that none of our sixteen Lighthouse Project kids have to stay behind in Russia, staring down hopelessness! God can bless, and I trust He will, but it happens through people who, like Justine, put others before themselves to be part of that blessing.


James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It is official

At 2:50pm on Thursday July 23rd, the Russian government granted our request to become the legal parents of Brittany Duncan (15), Samuel Duncan (11) and Jesse Duncan (9). We currently cannot post pictures of the kids on the internet, but will post as soon as we can. I (David) just arrived in Atlanta after a 12 hour train ride and a 10 hour plane ride. I met 2 other families on my plane who are in the adoption process. One family from Georgia brought their 10 month old home and a couple from Alabama who met their twin two years in Siberia. It was great talking to them and sharing what an incredible God we have to make things "just right."

I will be home late tonight and will return to Russia with Nathan and Timothy to bring everyone home on August 14th. Thanks so much for the prayers!

From Russia with Love

So much has happened over the last several months...but here we are; in Russia. We arrived in Moscow on Sunday morning, delivered our final payments, got settled into the place we are living in Moscow, got our medical exams, and we will be leaving tonight by train to go meet our children.

We are both excited, but a little nervous. It will be good to see K and D, and to finally meet V for the first time. We heard that V is apprehensive about his move. We ask that God will give us the wisdom and action to show him that we love him and that he is part of the Duncan clan.

We got to tour Moscow the second day we were here. As we saw the beautiful buildings, the thing that really startled me was at the entrance of the Kremlin. There is a McDonalds! It was interesting to be casually standing amongst tourists from all over the world in the plaza where this country used to hold their biggest parades to show the world their power. It is a beautiful city and we have enjoyed the peole so much. We look forward to sharing with the children when we return to Moscow. David & Julie

It's a Girl!

It's a Girl! We have a daughter!

Forever Changed

Will I ever use a washing machine without seeing Chanty washing the clothes of the young orphans in a five-gallon bucket?

Will I ever see a color book without thinking of the teenage orphans who were as excited to color and the younger children?

Will I ever look in my closet, thinking I have nothing to wear, and not think of those I met who truly only have the clothes on their backs?

Will I ever eat without remembering Serat tell of gathering grains of rice out of the dirt and washing them to feed his sick mother when they had nothing?

Will I ever see a baby without thinking of the 14 month old who was found abandoned in a trash can?

Will I ever tell my children I love them without seeing the faces of the orphans?

I hope I am forever changed. May I never stop being reminded. May I never stop weeping for the orphans. May I never become so calloused that I miss the needs of those who really are in need.

Is there a word?

There don't seem to be words in the English language to describe my current mix of thoughts and emotions. It's a combination of awe, desire to know what is ahead, excitement, terror, calmness, realization that I am not capable, peace, elation, knowledge that God is enough, not wanting to know what is ahead, desire to be completely surrendered, panic, humility, awareness of the presence of God, anxiety, and 'wow' at what God is doing. Is there a word for all of that?

We leave for Cambodia on Thursday. Here is the team blog if you would like to follow along the journey. http://web.mac.com/jbingham1/FreedomCambodia2009

Paperwork Frenzy

Sorry I've been quiet for a few days. We got word yesterday that some of our paperwork hold-up may soon be over. It was exciting news and kicked us into gear to complete more paperwork. Our goal--all current paperwork complete by Tuesday, January 27. Please pray for us as we complete the official dossier that will go to Russia. We excitedly anticipate the day we will bring D and V home.

The Airport

The airport was today. Time to say goodbye to the 14 Russian Orphans who have been visiting Tulsa this week. Host dads fought tears. Host moms gave up the fight and let the tears flow. Young host children were extremely distraught over saying goodbye to their new friends. Lots of hugs and wishing we could say, "See you real soon."

Anton was himself, through and through. Mr. Personality was as charming as ever. All of the host families and adoptive parents walked the kids up to security, said our final goodbyes and watched as they went through security and headed to board the plane. All the way through the lines at security, Anton kept wilding waving with both hands, calling my name, Juuuuliiiiii, and blowing me kisses. We will miss him terribly. We pray for his forever family. For them to hear clearly from God. For them to know without any doubt that God will equip them to care for Anton's needs in incredible ways. We pray for Anton's safety, for him to seek God, for him to use his leadership skills in positive ways to honor God, for him to find his permanent home soon.

Geography Fair

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! We appreciate so much the families that participated in the Geography Fair and Fundraiser for Dima & Vova last night. Thank you to Laura Barnes for coordinating and to Osage Skiatook Homeschool Association for bringing everyone together. Christy Rowden has blogged about the evening and put up some incredible pictures.

http://momof2girlygirlz.blogspot.com/

URGENT NEED

Why the urgency? The kids leave on Sunday. If someone has a tiny bit of interest and can meet the child while he is here they will save an entire trip to Russia. Once the kids leave on Sunday that opportunity is lost. This is an intense week of trying to find homes for these precious children and we're nearing the end. Please spread the word any way you can so that Sunday morning we know there is at least someone interested in each child. Here is the link to four of the children that would love to meet you onon Saturday. Without any interest, it is likely they will age out of the system very soon and be left with grim chances.
http://russianorphanlighthouseproject.blogspot.com/2009/01/still-waiting.html

So helpful!

Anton is always looking for ways to help around the house. Today he was carrying groceries and even looked for places to put them away when we got home. He loves to cook, also. Last night he was very specific with how to cook the Pelmini. Tonight he is excited to be peeling the potatoes and has asked several times if we are going to mash them. He must really like mashed potatoes. Wish I could show you his cute way of making a mixer sound over the pan of potatoes.